An old woman had a cat。 The cat was very old； she could not run quickly， and she could not bite， because she was so old。 One day the old cat saw a mouse； she jumped and caught the mouse。 But she could not bite it； so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away， because the cat could not bite it。
Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse。 She began to hit the cat。 The cat said， "Do not hit your old servant。 I have worked for you for many years， and I would work for you still， but I am too old。 Do not be unkind to the old， but remember what good work the old did when they were young。"
As long as fill the stomach, the animals are not afraid of anything. Eat a meal, can make them warm. Subcutaneous fat fat, is the warm down jacket. Even if the cold can penetrate fur and feathers, also absolutely can't get through the thick layer of fat under the skin.
If food is abundant, the winter is absolutely can't be afraid. But, where is the winter food? Where to find?
The Wolf and fox in the woods shot to shot, but very quiet in the woods, some animals and birds, had to shelter for the winter, others fly to other places.
During the day, only a crow flying in the woods; Night, the sable 暤 (hao) kept flying in the air, they are trying to look for food. But couldn't find anything!
The day of the forest can't! Hungry! Hungry as hell!
Mr Watt tip: tells the story of children, in the winter, the animals lack of food, can only rely on their thick fur and the accumulation of body fat to resist the cold winter, they are so hungry!
There are all kinds of animals in the sea. Look! They are coming. This is an octopus. The octopus is spraying ink. This is a shark. The shark has sharp teeth. This is a whale. The whale shoots water into the air. This is a sea turtle. The sea turtle has a hard shell. These are starfishes. The starfishes have five legs.
These are angelfishes. The angelfishes have beautiful colors. This is a lobster. The lobster has strong claws. This is a jellyfish. The jellyfish has a soft body. They are different. But all of them live in the sea.
在海洋里有各种各样的动物。 看！他们过来了。 这时一条章鱼，章鱼在喷墨。 这是一条鲨鱼，鲨鱼有锐利的牙齿。 这是一只鲸鱼，鲸把水喷射到空中。 这时一直海龟，海龟有坚硬的壳。 这些是海星，海星有五条腿。 这些是扁蛟鱼，扁姣鱼有美丽的花纹。
这是一只龙虾，龙虾有强壮的爪子。 这是一个水母，水母有一个柔软的身体。 他们各不相同，但他们都居住在海洋里。
Myra told Myron that they shouldn’t see each other for a while. Her doctor had suggested that she take a short vacation from her job and a long vacation from Myron.
"What did you tell him about me?" Myron asked.
She told her doctor that she had dreams about Myron leaving her. She sometimes dreamed that he pushed her out of his car in the middle of nowhere. She would be crying on the side of the road in the middle of the night, cold and scared, as the taillights disappeared.
"What kind of dream is that?" Myron's voice was loud. “Do you think I would ever do that to you?" She said that she didn’t know.
"You don’t know?! Of course I wouldn’t do that to you! I love you!"
Myra asked Myron to lower his voice. She no longer believed that he loved her. One day, feeling low and insecure, she had told Myron that it would be nice to get away for the weekend. Perhaps they could go to a quiet resort in the mountains. He told her that he was playing golf that Saturday. Maybe they could go to a resort another time. She was astounded.
"I needed you that weekend. Instead, you preferred to play golf. Now there is a shadow on my heart that nothing can remove," she told him sadly.
The Butterfly arrived at the place filled with apple tree flowers. "Tomorrow, the apple tree flower will fade along with the wind even if she is blooming today." The apple tree flower wasn't good enough to be the butterfly's bride, either.
后来，蝴蝶飞到苹果树花下。“虽然她今天花开的很鲜艳，但是了明天大风一来她就会随风凋落的，”苹果树花也不过完美成为蝴蝶的新娘。
There was a pea flower. "Wow, she is very splendid!" Pea flowers were in elegant bloom with red and white colors. The Butterfly liked the pea flower because she was neither too lonely nor too dazzling.
他又发现了一颗豌豆花。“哇，她真好看！”红白相间的豌豆花优雅地盛开着。蝴蝶喜欢豌豆花，因为她既不是太孤单，也不是太耀眼。
"Hi, Miss Pea flower?" Butterfly flew closer to her to ask to be his bride. Then, he caught sight of a messy flower hanging on a leaf with a withered bean chaff. He ran away in a hurry after seeing that.
“嗨，豌豆花小姐？”蝴蝶飞*了想要让她做自己的新娘。然后，一片杂乱的已经枯萎、结豆了的豌豆花映入他的眼帘。看到这幅情景他匆忙飞走了。
In this way, spring and summer passed. But the butterfly still could not find his bride. Autumn came. One day Butterfly smelled a strong scent while he was flying. There was a peppermint in the field.
就这样，春天和夏天都过去了。但蝴蝶还是没有找到他的新娘。秋天很快到来了。有一天，当他在悠闲地飞舞时时，闻到了一股浓烈的香味。原来田间种着薄荷。
"That's great. Even though peppermint does not have any flowers, her leaves have a very strong scent. Peppermint's leaves are the same as flowers. I will make her my bride." Butterfly flew next to the peppermint and asked, "Miss Peppermint, would you please be my bride?"
“太好了。虽然薄荷没有花叶，但她气味芳香。薄荷的叶子就像花儿一样漂亮。我要让她做我的新娘。”蝴蝶飞到薄荷旁边问，“薄荷小姐，你愿意做我的新娘吗？”
Then the peppermint said, "Mr. Butterfly, it is autumn now. You and I are too old. Don't tell me about 'being your bride' any more." In the end, Butterfly could not find any bride.
薄荷回答：“蝴蝶先生，现在已经是秋天了。你和我都太老了。不要再跟我提“做你新娘”之类的话了。”就这样到了最后，蝴蝶也没找到自己的新娘。
——幼儿园简短的英语小故事 (菁华5篇)
It was time for a haircut. Lenny didn’t even have to look in the mirror. Even though he was going bald, he knew that he needed to cut his hair every two weeks.
He had a "tongue" of hair on the top of his head. His hair was thinning at the crown. He still had plenty of hair on the sides and back. It was what they call "salt and pepper," a mixture of gray hair and dark brown hair. It was only a few years, he figured, until the salt and pepper became just salt.
He never let his hair grow for more than two weeks. The longer it got, the worse it looked, he thought.
He spread a newspaper over the bathroom sink so that no hair went down the drain. He plugged in the clippers and started cutting his hair. He started at the back of his head, went to the sides, and finished on the top. Every minute or so, he had to clean the hair out of the blades with an old toothbrush.
Finished, he picked up a hand mirror to check out the back of his head. Everything looked okay. He carried the newspaper back out to the kitchen and shook the hair clippings into the trash can.
Then he took a shower.
As long as fill the stomach, the animals are not afraid of anything. Eat a meal, can make them warm. Subcutaneous fat fat, is the warm down jacket. Even if the cold can penetrate fur and feathers, also absolutely can't get through the thick layer of fat under the skin.
If food is abundant, the winter is absolutely can't be afraid. But, where is the winter food? Where to find?
The Wolf and fox in the woods shot to shot, but very quiet in the woods, some animals and birds, had to shelter for the winter, others fly to other places.
During the day, only a crow flying in the woods; Night, the sable 暤 (hao) kept flying in the air, they are trying to look for food. But couldn't find anything!
The day of the forest can't! Hungry! Hungry as hell!
Mr Watt tip: tells the story of children, in the winter, the animals lack of food, can only rely on their thick fur and the accumulation of body fat to resist the cold winter, they are so hungry!
A Clever Hare
Billy hare is hungry and finds a radish. What he picks it up, Mr. Fox is behind him and wants to eat him. “I’m hungry, too. You’re my dinner. I’m going to eat you,” he says.
Billy Hare is shocked, but he isn’t scared. He says, “Follow me. I have better food for you.”
They go to a well.
“Look down here,” Billy Hare says “There is something in the water. “What’s that?” Mr. Fox asks surprisingly. “It’s a big and fat hen. Let’s get down and fetch it.” Billy Hare says and gets down with a pail.
“Can you out the hen into the pail?” Mr. Fox shouts. “No. She’s too big,” Billy Hare says, “Come down, please. We can take her up together. Jump into the other pail.”
Mr. Fox does so. When he gets down, Billy Hare gets up. “Good-bye!” Billy Hare gets out of the well and says. Mr. Fox can’t get out.
聪明的野兔
野兔比利很饿，他找到了一只萝卜。当他捡起萝卜的时候，狐狸先生正在他的身后，想吃了他。 “我也饿了。你是我的晚餐，我要吃了你。”狐狸说。
比利很吃惊，但是他并不害怕。他说：“跟我来，我有更好的食物给你。” 他们来到一口井边。
“朝这下面看，”比利说， “水里有东西。”“是什么呀？”狐狸先生好奇地问：“那是一只有大又费肥的母鸡。我们下去把她捉上来。”比利说着，乘一只水桶下去了。
“你能把鸡放进桶里吗？”狐狸问他：“不行，这只鸡太大了，”比利说，“下来吧。我们可以一起把它捉上去。快跳到另一只水桶里吧。”
狐狸照做了。当他下去的时候，比利就上来了。“再见。”比利从井里出来时说。而狐狸却出不来了。
Mr. Hunter calls his son in Boston. The old man says,“Son, I hate to bring you the bad news…… but your mother and I, we are getting a divorce.”The son is surprised, “What?? You can’t!”
亨特先生给在波士顿的儿子打电话。老人说：“儿子，我不想带给你坏消息……但是我和你妈要离婚了。”儿子非常吃惊，“什么？？你们不能！”
Mr. Hunter says, “I’m sorry, son! Forty-five years of misery is enough! Now, I am sick of talking about it, call your sister and tell her!” And he hangs up.
亨特先生说，“对不起，儿子！45年的痛苦已经够了！我讨厌说这些了，给你姐打电话告诉她！”就挂了电话。
The son, nearly in tears, calls his sister in New York, “Sis,” he says, “You’re not going to believe this! Mom and dad are getting a…… a…… divorce!”
儿子几乎是哭着给在纽约的姐姐打电话，“姐，”他说：“你不会相信的！妈和爸要…要…离婚！”
“What?!” she shouts on the phone. “Oh, no. They aren’t!You stay put. I’ll call you right back!” And she hangs up.
“什么？！”她在电话里喊起来。“噢，不。他们不能！你不要走开。我马上给你打过去！”她挂了电话。
The sister calls the parents in Los Angels, “You two are not getting a divorce!”
姐姐给洛杉矶的父母打电话：“你们俩不能离婚！“
Mr. Hunter says, “Honey, listen……”
亨特先生说：“亲爱的，听着……”
The daughter says, “No, you listen! You are not getting a divorce! You know what? You don’t do anything! I’m calling brother back. We’ll be there tomorrow! Don’t do anything.”
And she hangs up.
女儿说：“不，你听着！你们不准离婚！你知道吗？什么都不要做！我给弟弟打电话，我们明天就回去！任何事都不要做。”然后挂了电话。
Mr. Hunter hangs up calmly, looks at Mrs. Hunter, and says, “Well, they are coming for Thanksgiving and are paying their own fares. What shall we tell them on Christmas?”
亨特先生*静地放下听筒，看着亨特太太说：“好了，感恩节他们都要自己买机票回来了。圣诞节我们给他们说什么？”
Ignorance of the objective world
In the State of Lu, there was a couple of husband and wife, the former being an expert shoemaker and the latter a skilled hand in wearing taffeta. One day after consultations they decided to go to the state of Yue to earn a livelihood. The neighbors advised them not to go when they learned about their plan. "Don't go there," said one neighbor, "If you go, you can never earn a livelihood."
"We cannot understand you," interrogated the couple, "We have a find command of our art, how could we not earn our living with our work? Don't make a fool of us, please."
"Indeed, you have your skill," explained the man, "But have you taken notice of the fact that shoes are made for people and the silk taffeta are for hat-making? The people of Yue don't wear shoes, for they are barefooted. Again, they like to have their hair spread out over their heads and they never use hats. To whom should you sell your shoes and hats then?" Experienced though you are in the arts, yet the arts you have mastered are useless there."
After this explanation, the husband and wife now understood that anything that was not adaptable to the objective world would be useless and unpractical.
不合时宜
鲁国有对夫妻，男的是鞋匠，鞋子做的很好;女的是织绢能手。有一天，他们商量想到越国去谋生。消息传到四邻后，有人对他们说："不要到那儿去!否则你们一定无法生存的!"那对夫妇说："我们不明白你的意思， 我们都有一套手艺，怎么 会生活不了呢?别胡说了!" 那人说："对呀，你们虽然都有一套手艺，可是你们要知道，鞋子是给人穿的，但越国人都赤脚不穿鞋子，你们织的丝绢原是做帽子用的，但越国人喜欢披着头发，不戴帽子，你们的本领虽大，手艺虽高，但你们做的鞋子、帽子去卖给谁呢?那对夫妇这才明白，凡事如果不合时宜，不适合客观环境就不中用了。
——幽默简短的英语小故事优选【5】份
A newly married woman was sitting on a chair, looking vexed, when her husband came home. "What's up? Why do you look so troubled?" the husband asked. The woman replied, "I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and
burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said, "That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same."
"Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair," the wife responded.
The miserly millionaire called a family conference, “ I’m placing a box of money in the attic,” he said.” When I die, I intend to grab it on my way up to heaven. See to it that no one touches it until it’s my time too go.”
The family respected his wishes. After his death, the millionaire’s wife looked in the attic. The box was still there. “ THE FOOL!” she said. ”I told him he should have put it in the basement.”
A big一city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted o be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check，the young lawyer couldn’t resist gloating a little over his success，telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man，but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!”
The old rancher replied，"Well，I’11 tell you，young Teller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning.”
A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog cocked its leg, then urinated on its owner. Calmly, the blind man reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog. A passerby who'd seen everything remarked: "That’s extremely tolerant of you, especially after what he just did.”
"Not really，”came the re***. "I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts.”
A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.
Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"
——5岁幼儿简短易背童话小故事6篇
一只猫在一棵树的底下找了个树洞，住了下来。生下了一只猫宝宝。一只鸟在树枝上搭了个窝也住了下来，但是猫想独占这棵树，它想了两天，终于想了个办法，于是，它爬上树和小鸟说“鸟儿呀，两个星期后有大台风，您还是快点走吧！”鸟听了很害怕，决定两个星期后搬走。
两个星期后的晚上，天渐渐和黑了，猫拿着风扇在晚上十点后行动，它拿着风扇爬到树上对着鸟窝吹。鸟突然感到有风吹来，是不是台风要来了，于是它用嘴叼起鸟巢带着小鸟匆匆飞走了。猫看到鸟飞走了很开心。叫醒宝宝庆贺鸟儿飞走了，它能占有这棵大树了。
猫成功的把小鸟骗走后很开心，开起音乐跳起了舞，音乐越开越大声。鸟儿可怜巴巴的飞呀飞，它在寻找一个可以安家的地方，突然听到音乐声。它寻着音乐来到了猫的家里，刚到门口，鸟就听到猫说“我们成功把鸟儿骗走了，真是太开心了，这棵树是我们的了。”鸟儿透过窗户看到了猫家里的风扇，明白了。它很生气，飞上天空中，然后像箭一样向猫的家俯冲下来把猫的家门撞了一个大洞，然后就飞走了。
第二天台风真的`来了，猫一家被台风吹得东倒东歪的，猫冷得直发抖。
夜好长呀！小猪睡得死死的，他做了个甜甜的梦。他梦见自己长出了用糖丝织成的翅膀。他飞起来了，飞过白色松软的糖做的月亮上。四周的一颗颗巧克力星星在向他眨着眼睛，到处亮晶晶，香喷喷的。
猪醒来了，他的嘴里流着口水。
“糖果！”他叫起来，“我真想吃糖果！”
他跑去看看糖罐，里面空空的，他又从食品橱里拿出奶油巧克力的盒子，可里面除了包装纸外，啥东西也没有。
“我要上糖果店去！”猪说着掀开门帘，一头冲出屋子。
走了一段路，猪犹豫起来了。他想：“糖可不是好东西呀！它会使我越来越胖的，吃多了还会坏牙！”
这么一想，猪又往回走了。但走了几步，他又想起了那个甜甜的梦。他自言自语地说：“就买一点点薄荷糖吧，大概不会有什么害处吧？”
他又转身上附*的糖果商店去了，嘴里又流出了口水，他边去边想：“恐怕还是买一小袋泡泡糖好。”
猪来到糖果店门口，只见店门紧紧关着，一张告示贴在门上：“今日休假”。
猪只得回去了，不过他很高兴。他说：“我已经能管住自己了！今天，我没有吃过一粒糖！”
这天夜里，他吃了一顿用蔬菜做的饭。他的肚子吃得饱饱的，感到舒服极了。
一天上午，小猴在教室里上课。羊老师正在讲台上教同学们做数学加法题，小兔认认真真地听讲，可小猴呢，他坐在座位上东张西望，一会儿对着后面的小猪做鬼脸，一会儿看着窗外飞过的小鸟发呆，老师说了什么，他一点儿也没听进去。
晚上，小猴在做作业时，发现自己一题也做不出来，他左思右想，只好去小兔家请教：“这几道题该怎么做呢？我想了半天也没做出来！”小兔看了看，说：“咦，这道题羊老师不是讲过了吗？哦，你上课肯定没有认真听讲，所以才做不出来呀……”小兔的话让小猴哑口无言，他的脸羞得通红，就像熟透了的大苹果。小猴心里后悔极了，明天一定要认真听讲，不能开小差了！
第二天，小猴在课堂上认认真真地听老师讲课，小松鼠找他讲话，作文他理都不理，窗外飞过美丽的花蝴蝶，小猴看也不看。
晚上回到家里，小猴翻开作业本开始写作业，做好了语**数学，不一会儿就都写好了，“今天的作业可真简单啊，认真听讲真有用！”
从此以后，小猴上课都专心听讲，积极发言，到了学期结束的时候，羊老师发给他一张奖状，小猴心里乐开了花。
美丽的大森林里有一所快乐学校，聪明的大象是老师。
有一天，大象用鼻子卷起一个鸡蛋，放在高高的树墩上，问：“谁能把鸡蛋完整地拿下来？”
小猴说：“我来！”它用头顶着鸡蛋往下跳，不料，身子一歪，鸡蛋掉了下来摔破了。
大象又在树墩上放了一个鸡蛋，说：“谁再来试试？”
小猫跳上树墩，把鸡蛋抓起来，用两只手捧着鸡蛋跳下来，结果鸡蛋从手中滑出来，又打破了。
大象又把一个鸡蛋放在树墩上，说：“谁再来试试？”小羊、小兔都摇摇头。
这时，有两只小老鼠轻轻地问：“我们试试行吗？”
小猫冲过来说：“我都不行，你们还能行？”
大象说：“不要这样，谁都可以参加比赛！”
两只小老鼠爬上树墩。其中一只瘦老鼠朝天躺着，把鸡蛋抱在怀里，另一只老鼠拉着它的尾巴，慢慢地把它拉到树墩边上。它们一前一后滑到地上，鸡蛋一点也没碰破。
小羊和小兔高兴地欢呼：“小老鼠成功了！”
大象让两只小老鼠爬到它的鼻子上，把它们举得高高地说：“请大家记住，谁都有机会获得成功！”
传说有十个太阳同时出现在天空，把土地晒干了，庄稼都枯干了，人们热得喘不过气来，倒在地上昏迷不醒。因为天气太热的缘故，一些怪禽猛兽也忍不住，也都从森林里跑出来，在各地残害人民。
人间的灾难惊动了天上的神，天帝命令射箭的大英雄后羿下到人间，大英雄后羿带着天帝赐给他的一张红色的弓，一口袋白色的箭，还带着他的漂亮的妻子嫦娥一起来到人间。
大英雄后羿立即开始了射日的工作。他从肩上取下那红色的弓，取出白色的箭，一支一支地向太阳射去，十个太阳被射去了九个，留下一个太阳对人民有用处，这就是有名的大英雄后羿射日的故事。
但是大英雄后羿的丰功伟绩，却受到了其他天神的妒忌，天帝也终于疏远了大英雄后羿，最后把他永远贬斥到人间。受了委曲的大英雄后羿和妻子嫦娥只好隐居在人间，靠大英雄后羿打猎为生。
大英雄后羿觉得连累的妻子和他一起下了凡间，便到西王母那里去求来了长生不死之药，好让他们夫妻二人在世间永远和谐地生活下去。嫦娥却过不惯清苦的生活，乘大英雄后羿不在家的时候，偷吃了全部的长生不死药，奔逃到月亮里去了。
鸵鸟送信
小熊、小鹿和雪兔结伴去沙漠中旅行，小鸵鸟也想跟他们一起去。
雪兔和小熊嫌弃小鸵鸟长得丑，不愿意与他同行。
雪兔说：“你的脚上有两个又笨又厚的脚趾，太难看！”
小熊也说：“你有翅膀，可它不能让你飞。”
小鸵鸟怯怯地说：“在危险的时候，也许我能帮上你们呢！”
雪兔说：“我没看到你有任何长处，怎么能帮到我们呢？我担心你会变成我们的累赘！”
小鹿为小鸵鸟说情，雪兔和小熊才勉强答应。
几个伙伴一大早出发，他们在沙漠中走啊走，到中午的时候，又累又渴。毒辣的太阳烤得他们头晕眼花，在沙漠上每前进一步，他们的脚都深深陷进滚烫的沙子里，疼痛难忍。
“完了，完了，再走下去我的脚就被烙熟了。”小熊哼哼唧唧地说。
雪兔和小鹿也浑身虚弱走不动了，只有小鸵鸟还是精神抖擞的样子。原来，小鸵鸟的脚趾下有厚厚的肉垫和角质，使他既不会陷进沙子里，也不会被热沙烫伤。
“完了，我们要死了！”雪兔越想越伤心，几乎要哭了。
“我去替你们送信，让大家来解救你们！”小鸵鸟说。
小熊半信半疑：“你行吗？”
——幼儿园简短童话小故事 (菁华5篇)
小花猪收藏了许多珍贵的邮票、首日封和明信片，在空闲的时候常把这些邮品拿出来美美地欣赏一番。
这天，小兔和花公鸡来到小花猪家，他们想看看小花猪收藏的邮品。可小花猪连连摇头说：“我的邮品放在保险柜里，钥匙找不着，以后再来看吧！”
小兔和花公鸡讨了个没趣，气呼呼地回家去了。
一天，小花猪想捉弄大伙儿，他在门口挂了一块小黑板，上面写着“集邮爱好者注意，明天请到我家来参观邮品”。
这事儿一传十、十传百，很快就传遍了整个动物王国。第二天，小花猪的屋门前来了一大群集邮爱好者。
小花猪刚从床上爬起来，边揉着眼睛边问：“你们吵吵嚷嚷想干什么？”
大家说：“你今天不是让我们来参观邮品吗？”
小花猪说：“我是让你们明天来呀！”
大家一看黑板，的确是写着明天，可下面又没有写具体日期，认真分析后大家才知道，原来什么时候看都是“明天”来参观。这下可被小花猪捉弄了，个个都很生气。
小花猪不知道自己做错事，还想再跟消防队开个玩笑。他拨通了119火警电话：“快，我是小花猪，我家着火了，快来救火！”
消防队长小猴接到报警，就亲自指挥三辆消防车去灭火。可到了现场后什么火警现象都没有，白跑了一趟。小花猪看着消防人员匆匆而来的紧张场面，肚子都笑疼了。
过了几天后的一个夜晚，小花猪家真的失火了。小花猪再拨通火警电话……“你这家伙又开玩笑了！”小猴生气地搁下了电话。
等邻居再打电话报警，消防队员才匆匆赶来，可小花猪的家已化为灰烬。这次小花猪真的哭晕了。
贪心的小花狗
今天，小花狗和花栗鼠一起去野炊，小花狗带了美味的午餐，有蜜桃派和甜甜圈。
花栗鼠也带了好吃的食物，有水果三明治、水果沙拉和奶油蛋糕。
它们在森林草地上钓鱼、捉迷藏，玩了一会儿，小花狗吃掉了自己的蜜桃派，又过了一会儿，小花狗没忍住又吃掉了自己的甜甜圈。
时间过得真快呀！很快就到了吃午饭的时间了，花栗鼠拿出了自己的水果三明治、水果沙拉和奶油蛋糕，大口大口的吃了起来，
小花狗呢？它的午餐早就被自己吃掉了，现在它的肚子已经饿的咕噜咕噜直叫，可是它哪里还有东西吃呢?
花栗鼠看见了，说：“你怎么不吃呀？”
小花狗支支吾吾的说：“都怪我太贪吃了，所以我的食物早就吃完了……”
花栗鼠听了，说：“给，吃我的三明治吧！”
小花狗接过来，大口大口的吃起来，它边吃边说：“下次，我再也不那么贪吃啦！”
有两只老鼠，公的叫东东，母的叫乐乐，它们有一群可爱的孩子，但没有房屋住，它们每时每刻都在想着有一个温暖的家。
机会终于来了。有一天，东东和乐乐像往常一样出去寻找适合自己居住的小屋。当它们来到约瑟家时，发现了一个小洞，于是钻进去一看，哇!多美的地方呀，漂亮的房子，还有很多用来做毯子的布，太令人兴奋了。东东和乐乐高兴极了，迅速整理起了房子来，它们利用毯子布做了好多漂亮的衣服，给自己和孩子们每人都穿上一件，还做了一些被子呀枕头呀!东东又出去找了木头，抬来了核桃壳，支起了小宝宝的床，一下子就有了一个温暖的家。
有了家，东东和乐乐开始带着小宝宝们四处寻找吃的，它们出去了一趟，带回了好多吃的;就是冬天来了，也不怕了。
东东开始教小宝宝们在黑板前学拼音，学累了，乐乐和东东就带它们去外面玩，顺便又带回来好多好吃的。
约瑟的爷爷一直在帮约瑟改衣服，而掉下的毯子布就从地板缝里掉到了东东的家里，乐乐正好用这些布做了窗帘、门帘、桌布，等等，它们幸福地生活着。
突然有一天，好多水冲进了它们的家，把它们辛辛苦苦弄好的家冲得乱七八糟。乐乐和小宝宝们奋力地抵抗着大水，好不容易，水终于退了，乐乐把被水冲湿的衣服、被子等都晾了起来，把家重新整理了一下。
自从东东一家安居下来后，有好多朋友经常未串门，家里一直都非常热闹，小宝宝们在*静而幸福的日子里边学*边成长。
小宝宝们一天天地长大，衣服、裤子都穿不下了。乐乐又开始重新为小宝宝们做起了新衣服。
在森林里有个奇怪的现象，小猪总是跟在猪爸爸的臀部后面，就像是猪爸爸的尾巴似的。
小猪的好朋友小松鼠对他说：“小猪，你老跟在你爸爸后面，你是不是你爸爸的小尾巴。”
当猪爸爸走进院子里，拿起扫帚开始扫地，把垃圾扫进畚箕里。小小猪拿起畚箕对爸爸说：“我来倒垃圾。”当猪爸爸给小树、小花松松土、修修枝叶，小小猪跟在爸爸后面也轻手轻脚地给小树、小花松土、浇水、捉虫子。当猪爸爸干完活，小小猪赶紧搬来一把椅子给爸爸坐，还给爸爸泡了一杯热气腾腾的茶。
猪爸爸喝着的茶说：“小猪真是我的好帮手呀。”
这时，小松鼠明白了：“小猪真能干，他是爸爸的好帮手，不是爸爸的小尾巴。”
早晨，小蜗牛在院子里散步，抬头看见燕子衔着花瓣飞来飞去，便问：“燕子姐姐，你在干什么呀?”
“我在装修房子呢，姐妹们要在我家举行化妆舞会，我得抓紧时间啊!”燕子说。
啊，燕子的房子真漂亮啊，五彩的花瓣贴满了墙壁，美得就像天上的云彩，还有香气从房子里往外飘呢。
小蜗牛羡慕极了。他走啊走啊，又来到了泥墙根下，看见小蟋蟀在洞口进进出出的，便问：“蟋蟀弟弟，你在干什么呀?”
“我装修礼堂呢。兄弟们要在我家开音乐会，我得抓紧时间啊!”
啊，蟋蟀的礼堂虽然没装修好，已经够漂亮的啦，地面嫩草如毯，屋顶灯光闪烁，周围还有绿色植物呢。小蜗牛更羡慕了，他也想把画家朋友请来，办一个画展。可是一看到自己背上的房子他就泄气了。那房子灰灰的，脏脏的，一点也不好看。
不过，他马上又振奋起来，燕子和蟋蟀能装修房子，我为什么不能呢?我还要把房子装修得比他们的还漂亮呢!说干就干。小蜗牛设计起装修图来，他准备用大理石做地板，紫檀木做门窗，还准备用珍珠编一个门帘呢。
好多材料都准备好了，小蜗牛来到了河蚌(bàng)大婶家里，帮她看了一个星期的宝宝。蚌大婶给了他许多珍珠，还额外送了一挂贝壳风铃呢。
一个月后，地板砌(qì)好了，门窗装好了，珍珠门帘也挂上了，特别是那个贝壳风铃，风一吹，丁丁当当的，多好听啊!
小蜗牛高兴极了，他抬脚就要去请朋友，可是突然发现房子太重，他连脚都迈不动啦。
——英语幽默小故事(10)份
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago." Bernie应邀来到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie发现，不管问他老婆什么问题，Morris总要在每句话的前面加上一些亲密的称呼，象蜜糖，我的爱人，亲爱的.，甜心等等。Bernie对Morris说，“你们夫妻俩真够亲密的，结婚这么多年了，你还叫她叫得那么亲密。”Morris低下头，小声地对Bernie说，“老实跟你说吧，三年前我忘记老婆的真名是什么了。”
Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”
比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。
乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的'笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。
这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”
比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。
乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。
“你还要什么?”比尔问。
乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that sim*** stated, "ENTRANCE".
中间战术
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。
Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."
"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"
在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。
后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。
琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”
“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。
“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”
“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”
Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”
比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。
乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。
这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”
比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。
乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。
“你还要什么?”比尔问。
乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
大五个月
第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。
“你多大了?”军医问。
“十八，长官。”约翰说。
“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”
约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”
West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."
父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好让我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学*会得到什么。”
一对中年夫妇走*一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。”
Present for Girlfriend
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."
送给女友的礼物
在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。
那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不--在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”
Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
慎重许愿
一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。
庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。
妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。
接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”
仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯!”，他变成了90岁。
Wood Fire
One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. "Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened."
"Does that mean," asked the other, "that they make ashes of themselves?"
森林之火
一名妇女向她最好的朋友大谈雄性动物的特性：“丈夫们就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他们就会燃烧起来。”
“那是不是意味着，”另一个问道，“他们将自己烧成灰烬?”
Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in."
最好的`奖赏
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。
“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”
Napoleon Was Ill
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
"He‘s a good boy," said Jack‘s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."
"No, no, that‘s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!"
"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack‘s father. "You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."
拿破仑病了
杰克到一所大学去学历史。第一学期结束时，历史课教授没让他及格。学校让他退学。然而，杰克的父亲决定去见教授，强烈要求让杰克继续来年的学业。
“他是个好孩子，”杰克的父亲说：“您要是让他这次及格，我相信他明年会有很大进步，学期结束时，他一定会考好的。”
“不，不，那不可能，”教授马上回答。“你知道吗?上个月我问他拿破仑什么时候死的，他都不知道。”
“先生，请再给他一次机会吧。”杰克的父亲说：“你不知道，恐怕是因为我们家没有订报纸。我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。”
He Was Only Wrong by Two
Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren‘t always smart enought to be accepted by the college.
One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I‘d better ask him a few questions first."
Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn‘t know any of the answers.
At last the dean said, "Well, what‘s five times seven?"
The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six."
The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."
他的得数只比正确答案多二
杰克霍金斯是美国一所学院的橄榄球队教练，他竭力想物色好球员。但是好球员学业不行，院方不愿录取。
有一天，教练带着一位优秀的年轻球员去见院长，希望院方同意他免试入学。经过一番劝说后院长说：“那我最好先问问他几个问题。”
然后他转向学生，问了几个非常简单的问题。可是那个学生一个也答不上来。
最后院长说：“那么，五乘七得多少?”
学生想了很久，然后回答说：“三十六。”
院长摊开双手失望地看了看教练。可是教练认真地说，“噢，录取他吧，先生。他的答案只比正确答案多二。”
Real Play
When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater‘s current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: "The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television."
逼真的戏剧
我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校剧团当时的演出，并写一篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名学生写道：“这部戏剧是如此逼真，以致于我认为我自己是坐在家里的沙发上，从电视上看到的。”
A Fine Match
One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."
The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.
Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!
势均力敌
有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很害怕老鼠，所以她冲出屋子，搭上了公共汽车直奔商店。在那儿，她买了一只老鼠夹。店主告诉她：“放点奶酪在里面，很快你就会逮住那只老鼠的。”
这位女士带着鼠夹回到家里，但她没有在碗橱里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去，因为已经很晚了。于是，她就从一份杂志中剪下一幅奶酪的图片放进了夹子。
令人称奇的是，这画有奶酪的图片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，这位女士下楼到厨房时，发现鼠夹里奶酪图片旁有一张画有老鼠的图片!
Gardening Gloves
For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare."
Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.
园艺手套
几个月以来，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的结婚戒指，因为我对黄金有点过敏。生日那天，我正在干园艺活时，丈夫问我想要什么礼物。我举起双手说：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的两手都是光光的。”
那天晚上，我满怀热情地拆开了丈夫送的礼物。“生日快乐!”他说。我打开一看：里面包着一双园艺手套。
Warning
Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?" I teased.
"Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"
提醒
我们的儿子是密歇根州阿尔马大学的新生，开学几个星期之后，我和丈夫决定去看看他。我特意提前给他打电话，“提醒”他我们将光临。但是当我们来到宿舍时，他的房间凌乱不堪，我非常吃惊。“忘了我们要来，是吧?”我取笑他。
“开什么玩笑?“，他回答说，“要不我凭什么费神打扫?”
Ground Rules
One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running."
基本原则
位于吉拉多海角的密苏里东南州立大学有一位我非常喜欢的老师，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在对一个新生班级讲解他的基本原则时，他说：“我知道我的讲课可能经常会枯燥乏味，了无生趣，所以如果你们在上课时看表我并不介意。不过我坚决反对你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。”
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in."
幽默故事翻译：最好的奖赏
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。
“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”
West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."
.
父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的'学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好让我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学*会得到什么。”
一对中年夫妇走*一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。”
My husband，Michael，a bus driver，was passing a deserted bus stop when one of his passengers called out that a woman wanted to get on. He pulled up to the curb and opened the doors. 我丈夫，麦克是个开大巴士的。一次当他刚要开过一个无人上下车的'车站时，一位乘客喊过有位老妇人要上车。麦克把车停靠在马路边，打开了车门。
After a minute，Michael saw an elderly woman with a cane crossing the street slowly. 过了足有一分钟，麦克才见到一位老太太拄着拐杖，慢腾腾地过着马路朝车子走来。
He waited patiently as she made her way to the bus and climbed the steps. 麦克衬心地等她来到汽车旁上着台阶。While she was looking in her purse for her bus pass，he began to close the doors.”Wait a minute!”she snapped."My mother's coming.”
趁老太太打开钱包找月票的工夫，麦克欲关门，老妇人阻止道:“等一会，我妈妈还在后面呢!”
——简短的早会激励小故事带感悟优选【五】份
孔子的一位学生在煮粥时，发现有肮脏的东西掉进锅里去了。他连忙用汤匙把它捞起来，正想把它倒掉时，忽然想到，一粥一饭都来之不易啊。于是便把它吃了。刚巧孔子走进厨房，以为他在偷食，便教训了那位负责煮食的同学。经过解释，大家才恍然大悟。孔子很感慨的说：“我亲眼看见的事情也不确实，何况是道听途听呢？”
故事启示：推销生意是一种组织性质的生意，因为人多，人事问题也多。我们不时听到是非难辨的话，如某公司攻击另一间公司，如是者往往令人混淆是非，影响信心。因此找出事情的真相，不是轻易相信谣言，辛辛苦苦建立的事业才不会毁于一旦。
有个富家子弟特别爱吃饺子，每天都要吃。但他又特别刁，只吃馅，两头的皮尖尖就丢到后面的小河里去。好景不长，在他十六岁那年，一把大火烧了他的全家，父母急怒中相继病逝，励志《早会励志小故事及感悟坚持》。这下他身无分文，又不好意思要饭。邻居家大嫂非常好，每餐给他吃一碗面糊糊。他则发奋读书，三年后考取官位回来，一定要感谢邻居大嫂。大嫂对他讲：不要感谢我。我没有给你什么，都是我收集的当年你丢的饺子皮尖，晒干后装了好凡麻袋，本来是想备不时之需的。正好你有需要，就又还给你了。大官思考良久，良久……有一个有名的三八理论：八小时睡觉，八小时工作，这个人人一样。人与人之间的不同，是在于业余时间怎么渡过。时间是最有情，也最无情的东西，每人拥有的都一样，非常公*。但拥有资源的人不一定成功，善用资源的人才会成功。白天图生存，晚上求发展，这是二十一世纪对人才的要求。
一个成熟的人握住自己快乐钥匙，他不期待别人使他快乐，反而能将快乐与幸福带给别人。每人心中都有把「快乐的钥匙」，但我们却常在不知不觉中把它交给别人掌管。一位女士抱怨道：「我活得很不快乐，因为先生常出差不在家。」她把快乐的钥匙放在先生手里。一位妈妈说：「我的小孩不听话，喊我很生气！」她把钥匙交在小孩手中。
男人可能说：「上司不赏识我，所以我情绪低落。」这把快乐钥匙又被塞在老板手里。婆婆说：「我的媳妇不孝顺，我真命苦！」年轻人从文具店走出来说：「那位老板服务态度恶劣，把我气炸了！」这些人都做了相同的决定，就是让别人来控制他的心情。
当我们容许别人掌控我们的情绪时，我们便觉得自己是受害者，对现况无能为力，抱怨与愤怒成为我们唯一的选择。
我们开始怪罪他人，并且传达一个讯息：「我这样痛苦，都是你造成的，你要为我的痛苦负责！」此时我们就把一重大的责任托给四周的`人，即要求他们使我们快乐。
我们似乎承认自己无法掌控自己，只能可怜的任人摆布。这样的人使别人不喜欢接*，甚至瞧而生畏。
但一个成熟的人握住自己快乐的钥匙，他不期待别人使他快乐，反而能将快乐与幸福带给别人。他的情绪稳定，为自己负责，和他在一起是种享受，而不是压力。
你的钥匙在那里？在别人手中吗？快往把它拿回来吧！
爱的反面不是仇恨，而是漠视且不关心。这篇文章希瞧你能体会到它的涵意。
其实我们身处的地方，不论是环境、人、事、物都很轻易影响我们的情绪起伏，可是千万别忘了！不要因为他人的一句话，而在意太久哦！
一只小狼卧在草上勤奋地磨牙，狐狸看到了，就对它说：天气这么好，大家在休息娱乐，你也加入我们队伍中吧！小狼没有说话，继续磨牙，把它的牙齿磨得又尖又利。
狐狸个性地问道：森林这么静，猎人和猎狗已经回家了，老虎也不在*处徘徊，又没有任何危险，你何必那么用劲磨牙呢？
小狼停下来回答说：我磨牙并不是为了娱乐，你想想，如果有一天我被猎人或老虎追逐，到那时，我想磨牙也来不及了。而*时我就把牙磨好，到那时就能够保护自己了。
感悟：
做事就应未雨绸缪，居安思危，这样在危险突然降临时，才不至于手忙脚乱。书到用时方恨少，*常若不充实学问，临时抱佛脚是来不及的。也有人抱怨没有机会，然而当升迁机会来临时，再叹自己*时没有积蓄足够的学识与潜质，以致不能胜任，也只好后悔莫及。
有一位老先生辛苦了一辈子，当他领到退休金的时候，想着太太也跟着辛苦了大半辈子，没有吃好的，穿好的，心里实在过意不去，于是把心一横，去买了两张豪华游轮的船票，准备带着太太好好地去享受一下人生。
这对夫妇想：豪华游轮上的餐饮一定很贵。所以，在上船之前就准备了饼干、面饱在船上吃。于是夫妇两人白天在船上玩，吃饭时就躲在他们的舱里吃饼干，啃面包，喝白开水。一直到最后一晚，老先生觉得实在太委屈了，决定到餐厅用餐。太太觉得太浪费，但拗不过先生的好意，就盛装来到餐厅，享受一顿非常罗曼蒂克的最后晚餐。当他们吃完饭叫侍者结账时，侍者满脸狐疑地问道：“难道你们没来过餐厅用过餐？为何不知道餐费已包括在你们的船票中？船上的餐点完全是免费的啊！”此时，这两老人再怎么后悔，也换不回原本可以享受的权利了。
——5-6岁幼儿的心理小故事优选【五】份
乌鸦前几天刚刚生下了几个活泼可爱的小乌鸦。
一天，快到中午时，乌鸦妈妈又去找食给它的小宝宝吃了。它飞呀，飞呀，飞了好久，还没找到食物，乌鸦也飞累了，就落在一块很黑的石头上休息，休息一会儿后，它发现这不是石头，是一个会动的东西。经过它仔细观察，原来它是头大黑猪，乌鸦说：“我想问你一个问题。”
“你怎么这么黑，比黑油漆还黑呢？哈……”
“你笑什么？”
“我笑什么，我笑你身子比油漆还黑哩？”
“你还是别笑了，你看看你自己的身体是什么样子的！再嘲笑我吧！”
乌鸦低头一看，自己的身体也很黑吗！顿时，乌鸦的脸红红的，像个红苹果。
古代有一个国王身有两残：缺一目外加少一腿。有一次，这个国王心血来潮，让宫廷画师给自己画像。第一位画师是个老实人，他规规矩矩地画出了国王的本来面目——又瞎又瘸。国王看后不禁怒从心头起，恶向胆边生：
“这个可恶的画师竟敢把我画得如此丑陋，真是该杀。”于是这个老实本份的画师被杀掉了。国王仍不甘心，便又找了第二个画师来给他画像，这个画师知道了前边那个同行的悲惨结局，再也不敢照实描绘国王的缺陷了。他在画布上画了一个双眼明亮两腿矫健的国王，心想这下国王该满意了吧，不曾想国王一见画像大发雷霆，骂道：“你这该死的东西！这难道还是我吗？”
结果，第二个画师也没有逃出被杀害的命运。这下国王的画师们谁都不敢再给国王画像了，没想到有个小画工自告奋勇地说他要给国王画像，这下可把画师们着实地吓了一跳。小画工画啊画啊，终于把国王的肖像画完成了。国王一见画像，紧崩的脸变得柔和起来，最后他笑了，直夸小画工聪明。
原来，这个机灵的小画工既没有像第一个画师那样把国王的缺陷完全表现在画布上，也没有像第二个画师那样不顾实际妄加涂彩。机灵的小画工画的国王是这样的：侧身骑在马上，残缺的那条腿隐在马鞍的后面，双手举枪，眯着一只眼在瞄准，而这只眼正是那只瞎眼。这样一安排，画面上则是一个英姿勃发骑马打猎的国王，看不出任何缺陷，可谁也不能说他像第二个画师那样改变了国王的本来面目。那个挑剔的丑陋国王这次也毫不吝啬地奖励了那个小画工。
这个故事告诉我们，在思维过程中改变看问题的角度，往往会收到意想不到的效果。我们要善于学*变换视角的思考方式，不要让旧框框去限制自己的思维，总“钻死胡同”，要尽可能地选择新视角，力争看到事物的新侧面。
美国著名作家马克吐温有一次在教堂听牧师演讲。最初，他觉得牧师讲得很好，使人感动，准备捐款。过了10分钟，牧师还没有讲完，他有些不耐烦了，决定只捐一些零钱。又过了10分钟，牧师还没有讲完，于是他决定1分钱也不捐。等到牧师终于结束了冗长的演讲开始募捐时，马克吐温由于气愤，不仅未捐钱，还从盘子里偷了2元钱。
这种刺激过多、过强和作用时间过久而引起心理极不耐烦或反抗的心理现象，被称之为"超限效应"。
超限效应在家庭教育中时常发生。如，当孩子犯错时，父母会一次、两次、三次，甚至四次、五次重复对一件事作同样的批评，使孩子从内疚不安到不耐烦乃至反感讨厌。被"逼急"了，就会出现"我偏要这样"的反抗心理和行为。
可见，妈妈对孩子的批评不能超过限度，应对孩子"犯一次错，只批评一次"。如果非要再次批评，那也不应简单地重复，要换个角度、换种说法。这样，孩子才不会觉得同样的错误被"揪住不放"，厌烦心理、逆反心理也会随之减低。
春秋战国时代，一位父亲和他的儿子出征打仗。父亲已做了将军，儿子还只是马前卒。又一阵号角吹响，父亲庄严地托起一个箭囊，郑重地对儿子说:“这是家袭宝箭，佩带身边，力量无穷，但千万不可抽出来。”果然，佩带宝箭的儿子英勇非凡，所向披靡。当鸣金收兵的号角吹响时，儿子再也禁不住得胜的豪气，完全忘记了父亲的叮嘱，强烈的欲望驱使他呼一声就拔出了宝箭。
骤然间他惊呆了，断箭，箭囊里装着一枝折断的箭。儿子顿时吓出了一身冷汗，意志轰然坍塌。结果很显然，儿子惨死于乱军之中。
周朝有位卿士叫凡伯。凡伯不但有诗才，而且善于治理国事。后来，他在周厉王身边辅佐朝政。可是，周厉王飞横跋扈，枉法断事。奸臣则百般诌媚讨好。凡伯直言相劝，列数朝政弊端，奸臣却在周厉王耳边说他的坏话。周厉王对凡伯十分厌烦，从此，奸臣出入宫廷，不把凡伯放在眼里。凡伯十分愤慨，写了一首诗，后来收入《诗经》。诗中抨击奸臣说：“作恶多端，不可救药！”
——英语短文小故事带翻译(5)份
When they're together, my five-year-old son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem. one Saturday, I put my foot down. "All right, you two," I said sternly. "No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting."
As I turned to leave, I heard my son say, "C'mon, Steven, let's get dirty . "
我五岁的儿子和他的表弟在一起的时候，总要招来大乱。一个星期六，我开始**了。“好啦，你们两个，”我严厉地说，“不许叫喊，不许乱拿，不许哭闹，不许乱敲，不许取笑，不许扯淡，不许弄坏玩具，不许乱抓，不许打架。” 我刚转身要走，就听我儿子说：“来，斯蒂文，我们来把自己弄脏吧。”
There are all kinds of animals in the sea. Look! They are coming. This is an octopus. The octopus is spraying ink. This is a shark. The shark has sharp teeth. This is a whale. The whale shoots water into the air. This is a sea turtle. The sea turtle has a hard shell. These are starfishes. The starfishes have five legs. These are angelfishes. The angelfishes have beautiful colors. This is a lobster. The lobster has strong claws. This is a jellyfish. The jellyfish has a soft body. They are different. But all of them live in the sea.
译文：
海里有什么动物?
在海洋里有各种各样的动物。 看!他们过来了。 这时一条章鱼，章鱼在喷墨。 这是一条鲨鱼，鲨鱼有锐利的牙齿。 这是一只鲸鱼，鲸把水喷射到空中。 这时一直海龟，海龟有坚硬的壳。 这些是海星，海星有五条腿。 这些是扁蛟鱼，扁姣鱼有美丽的花纹。 这是一只龙虾，龙虾有强壮的爪子。 这是一个水母，水母有一个柔软的身体。 他们各不相同，但他们都居住在海洋里。
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that sim*** stated, "ENTRANCE".
译文：
中间战术
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。
A tiger living in the forest, it is very old and can not catch small animals, so it is of little animals in the forest, he said: "I am old catch does not move you, so you sent to me every day to eat . If one day I did not go to a small animal, you know the consequences of yo. "
Tiger tooth on the first day, the fastest horse reluctantly went home to report a tiger; the next day, even the way up to the fox went; the third day, the goat did not escape. Small animals, said: "This is how to do ah ah how can this do??" There is a small animal, said: "! Find clever monkey bars" small animals to the monkey house, with a monkey said. Monkey then said: "! You go back first, I think of a way."
The fourth day, the monkey home to the tiger, said:. "Do you think I give the king what you bring to the" Tiger said: "? This is not the candy you" monkey said: "Your Majesty, you eat candy every day you can not eat forest small animals. "tigers feel justified, nodded. After a few weeks, the tiger lying on the ground in pain wah-wah whining. Monkey came tiger monkey asked: "Why do you really hurt?" The monkey said: "Let me see the king you know your teeth." Tiger opened his mouth to monkey looked. Monkey said: "Your Majesty, you long tooth decay, to unplug." Tiger nodded. So, put the tiger monkey all teeth are plucked.
Since then, small animals will no longer afraid of the tiger.
有一只老虎住在森林里，它已经很老了，不能够捉小动物了，于是它就对森林里的小动物们说：“我老了抓不动你们了，所以你们每天送来给我吃吧。如果哪一天我没吃到一只小动物，你们可知道后果的哟。”
老虎拔牙第一天，跑得最快的骏马无奈地去老虎家报到了；第二天，连办法最多的狐狸也去了；第三天，山羊也没逃过。小动物们说：“这可怎么办啊？这可怎么办啊？”有个小动物说：“去找聪明小猴吧！”小动物们到了小猴家，跟小猴一说。小猴想了想说：“你们先回去吧！我想想办法。”
第四天，小猴到了老虎家说：“大王你看我给你带什么来了。”老虎说：“这不是糖果吗？”小猴说：“大王，你每天吃糖果就可以不用再吃森林里的小动物了。”老虎觉得有道理，点了点头。过了几个星期，老虎痛得躺在地上哇哇直叫。小猴来了，老虎问小猴：“为什么这么痛啊？”小猴说：“大王你让我看一看你的牙齿就知道了。”老虎张开嘴给小猴看了看。小猴说：“大王，你长了蛀牙，要拔掉。”老虎点了点头。于是，小猴就把老虎所有的牙都拔光了。
从此以后，小动物们就再也不怕老虎了。
One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.
The mother exclaimed, But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?
The little girl replied, My homework.
一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。
妈妈激动地说：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么?
小女孩回答说：我的家庭作业。
